Resilience. We all want it. We want to feel powerful, unaffected by trauma, emotional pain, and difficulty. We want to be strong, adaptable, and worthy. Today I am going to speak on resilience: what it means, how to build it, and strategies we can learn from our past to maintain it. I decided on this topic because I feel that at this time, and over the last year, there has been countless trauma that we see in the world on a daily basis. How do we actually cope with such devastating events, and how do we get to the point where we can feel okay again, in order to rebuild our lives.
The American Psychological Association (APA) discussed many ways in which resilience can be learned and developed, in fact, resilience is not something you either have or don't have. The "Road to Resilience" is a road that involves conscious effort. Many studies show some factors that help build resilience including: the capacity to make realistic plans and take steps to carry them out, a positive view of yourself and confidence in your strengths and abilities, skills in communication and problem solving, and being able to manage strong feelings and impulses. In addition, one of the main factors in maintaining resilience involves having caring and trusting relationships. Having individuals, whether they are family members, close friends, or mentors, provide reassurance, support, and motivation can do wonders in difficult times. Being able to maintain a close bond makes you feel less alone, and can help you prosper onwards. Surround yourself with others that you can count on.
Because we all vary so much from one another, it is hard to know which strategies are "right" for everyone. Building resilience is a personal journey and that journey may be different than the personal journey of someone else. There is so much variation in regards to the experiences we have had, and also how we choose to deal with these experiences. I want to voice that what works for one may not work for another. It is important to lean inwards to the emotional pain you are feeling. Sit with those emotions. What comes next in building from that place is important, but it will not happen without this step. You cannot discover what works for you, unless you consciously pay effortful attention to how you feel. The journey starts with you.
Learning from your past is also a huge factor in building resilience. In distressing times, we often are clouded by the negative events of our past, and it is so difficult to picture ourselves moving forward into the future. This makes us feel stuck, unable to create a different perspective. We wish for things to be different, we try and come up with things we could have done to avoid what actually happened, we don't want to face this experience, we cannot bear it. However, time does go on, another day occurs, the sun then sets. The earth is always moving. This does not mean that what has happened in the past should be ignored, forgotten, and dismissed. Your awareness of your emotional pain is actually the first step in moving forward. Ask yourself about your past. Ask yourself why you feel the way you do. Ask yourself why certain aspects affect you more than others. Also, ask yourself to remember a difficult time in your past that you have overcome. Picture yourself in that place...what helped you then? Discovery comes from within.
I have listed below 10 ways that may help guide your journey in building resilience, taken from the American Psychological Association. I will be listing the website below, for reference. They have a very helpful guide and places you can look for help. Help is out there, you are not alone on this journey. Shifting your perspective on this can do wonders.
10 Ways to Build Resilience:
Make connections. Good relationships with close family members, friends or others are important. Accepting help and support from those who care about you and will listen to you strengthens resilience. Some people find that being active in civic groups, faith-based organizations, or other local groups provides social support and can help with reclaiming hope. Assisting others in their time of need also can benefit the helper.
Avoid seeing crises as insurmountable problems. You can't change the fact that highly stressful events happen, but you can change how you interpret and respond to these events. Try looking beyond the present to how future circumstances may be a little better. Note any subtle ways in which you might already feel somewhat better as you deal with difficult situations.
Accept that change is a part of living. Certain goals may no longer be attainable as a result of adverse situations. Accepting circumstances that cannot be changed can help you focus on circumstances that you can alter.
Move toward your goals. Develop some realistic goals. Do something regularly — even if it seems like a small accomplishment — that enables you to move toward your goals. Instead of focusing on tasks that seem unachievable, ask yourself, "What's one thing I know I can accomplish today that helps me move in the direction I want to go?"
Take decisive actions. Act on adverse situations as much as you can. Take decisive actions, rather than detaching completely from problems and stresses and wishing they would just go away.
Look for opportunities for self-discovery. People often learn something about themselves and may find that they have grown in some respect as a result of their struggle with loss. Many people who have experienced tragedies and hardship have reported better relationships, greater sense of strength even while feeling vulnerable, increased sense of self-worth, a more developed spirituality and heightened appreciation for life.
Nurture a positive view of yourself. Developing confidence in your ability to solve problems and trusting your instincts helps build resilience.
Keep things in perspective. Even when facing very painful events, try to consider the stressful situation in a broader context and keep a long-term perspective. Avoid blowing the event out of proportion.
Maintain a hopeful outlook. An optimistic outlook enables you to expect that good things will happen in your life. Try visualizing what you want, rather than worrying about what you fear.
Take care of yourself. Pay attention to your own needs and feelings. Engage in activities that you enjoy and find relaxing. Exercise regularly. Taking care of yourself helps to keep your mind and body primed to deal with situations that require resilience.
Additional ways of strengthening resilience may be helpful. For example, some people write about their deepest thoughts and feelings related to trauma or other stressful events in their life. Meditation and spiritual practices help some people build connections and restore hope.
https://www.apa.org/helpcenter/road-resilience.aspx
“The best people possess a feeling for beauty, the courage to take risks, the discipline to tell the truth, the capacity for sacrifice. Ironically, their virtues make them vulnerable; they are often wounded, sometimes destroyed.”
Ernest Hemingway
