As we relate to others in our world, whether they are friends, family, or even strangers, we come to the risk of becoming offended at some point in time. Most of our initial and automatic responses to offense are to either avoid or become vengeful. According to the study, Forgiveness: Who Does It and How Do They Do It? by Michael E. McCullough these two classic responses are "normal and common, but can have negative consequences for individuals, relationships, and perhaps society as a whole." Today I wanted to explore, analyze, and shed light on this notion. What makes someone better equip to forgive? Are there individuals who display specific characteristics that therefore assist in forgiving others? If so, what is the exact process of forgiveness? How do we do it?
Before moving towards the application of forgiveness, I feel that defining it would be effective. I wanted to speak on the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation. Often times we think that forgiving is the same as restoring. Although forgiveness can restore certain circumstances, these terms are individual of each other. For example, one may want to restore a relationship, but have trouble forgiving the wrongdoings of a partner. Additionally, one may display forgiveness to a partner, but choose to back away from restoring the relationship. So, what does it mean to forgive? McCullough states that forgiveness is a complex of prosocial changes in one's motivations. These prosocial changes are reflected in the indications of positive and helpful behavior and the goals of social acceptance. So, who tends to make these prosocial changes in their own motivations, and in what ways can this better help us understand what may encourage forgiveness, or inhibit it?
According to research, agreeableness and emotional stability are the most strongly related to forgiveness. This is known as the "forgiving personality." Those that hold a more agreeable nature are highly empathetic for others, and are willing to still share resources with those that have been insensitive to them in the past. In contrast, those that are more emotionally unstable, or in other words, more likely to experience negative emotion are less likely to display forgiveness.
Additionally, the psychological processes of forgiveness involve: empathy, attributions and appraisals, and rumination. Empathy has been shown to be the only psychological variable to promote forgiveness experimentally. What I found to be most interesting is that when one gets offended by an individual and later receives an apology, the oppressor will implicitly express vulnerability, while the highly empathetic victim will explicitly experience this vulnerability; the power of empathy in this example illustrates the motivation to forgive. As for attributions and appraisals, those that attach less responsibility for the negative behavior of the transgressor illicit a more forgiving attitude. This goes to show that those who exhibit accepting something or someone as honest or deserving of trust even though there may be doubts are the most forgiving people. Lastly, rumination seems to be a very important factor in the forgiving personality. Rumination is a term that explains the experience of containing many intrusive thoughts about past occurrences. How does this come into play with forgiveness you ask? Well, apparently those who think more deeply about the wrongdoing are less forgiving and this can even result in higher levels of revenge and avoidance. McCullough found that overtime with good practice in reducing bad thoughts about the transgression this will ultimately lead to progression in forgiving the transgressor.
As I finished reading this piece, I could not wait to share it all with you, as I feel that learning how to practice forgiveness every day is only beneficial. Whether this forgiveness comes from you or someone around you, appreciate it greatly. For one, it is proven to transform your life for the better, but even more importantly, it may transform someone else's forever.
